quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize