yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize