it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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