JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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