Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
True strength comes from lack of pants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize