you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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