I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize