so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize