She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize