you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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