I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize