One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize