I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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