I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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