I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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