your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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