The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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