I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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