Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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