He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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