you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize