it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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