I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize