Well apparently he's into motor boating.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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