btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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