I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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