I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize