Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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