So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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