I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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