I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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