I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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