Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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