Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize