you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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