woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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