I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize