I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm like, not good at living.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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