I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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