So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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