If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize