It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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