that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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