Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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