cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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