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if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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