Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm jealous of your bromance
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize