He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize