the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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