I accidentally had phone sex last night
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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