Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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